First, I want to make it clear that it's not titled as such because I'm feeling slightly outside myself in any freakish or negative way. I would hope that the posts to follow are positive and lift people up in some way. Or at least give them a laugh at my antics while they breathe a silent prayer of, "Thank you, Jesus, that I am not THAT girl..."
So here's the story:
My husband and I were sitting in church last week and our pastor quoted a passage from Matthew chapter 6. It's a passage about not worrying. Maybe it's familiar to you. If not, you should really check it out. Basically, Jesus tells us that God takes care of things like birds and lilies, so he obviously will take care of our needs, too. So, worrying is a huge waste of time. Until recently, these verses have been the theme of my life. It's no secret to those who know me that I like to think. A lot. And with this constant thinking and re-thinking about every situation in my life, I have been a classic worrier. I have worried about relationships, work, family, finances....Oh, the worrying about finances! So as soon as our pastor started his quote, Frank's knee-jerk reaction was to nudge me in a "Hey, listen up, you worrier, you," fashion with his, well....knee. And usually when he does this, I sigh and worry about how much I worry and worry about whether or not I can ever stop worrying. But not this time. Because suddenly I realized that I haven't been worrying a lot lately. Weird. So in a very Christian manner, I gave my husband the death glare and stuck out my tongue at him.
Later in the car, Frank reached over to me. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings about the worry thing. After I did it, I realized that that's not you anymore." His words kept playing in my head, "That's not you anymore. That's not you anymore." And I answered in amazement, "No.....that's NOT me anymore, is it?" And for most of the rest of the way home, I marveled at the fact that God has been working and transforming me a lot in the past couple of years. A transformation that my husband has taken notice of, and he is usually the one who sees my ugliest sides at their ugliest. And then I sat and thought (See, I think a lot!) about how he had transformed as well. The fact that he was sensitive enough to apologize for hurt feelings....Well, I just don't think that would have happened a few years ago.
So I give all this to God in thankfulness for what He has done. It is true what they say. You can't change someone. They can't even change themselves, despite what a lot of pop psychology says these days. Only God can do this miraculous changing that is so gentle and gradual that suddenly we stop and marvel in His work. The only thing we can do is to stop trying so hard to change under our own power and cry, "God, I'm yours! I want to change and be like you! I'm waiting for directions!" And then we must stop again to listen to what they are. And then we must actually follow them, whether they make perfect sense or not. I'm really good at trying my own thing and then crying, but I'm slowly learning to listen and follow.
"Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things have become new." -2 Corinthians 5:17
Doesn't that just say it all?
*Names changed to protect the innocent. (Please I beg you, don't get hooked on these things. It's a blackhole of no return!)