Wednesday, December 31, 2008

My Arch Nemesis

Oh yes, I have enemies. And they are large in number. They wait silently, growing more and more vile each hour. When I finally think I have rid my life of them...they come back stronger and more numerous than before. They plot against me, looking for any weakness to exploit.

I hate dirty dishes. I'm talking HATE. And I hate washing them even more. When I worked full time, I could escape the crockery mockery for hours. Then when I came home, I could justify not washing them because spending time with my kids took priority. But now I'm home pretty much all the time minus church, pre-school, and errands to exotic and exciting places like Wal-Mart. So those dastardly dishes have been wearing me down slowly...methodically...

It didn't help that our dishwasher was probably the first one ever made. Sure, it matched the 1960's cabinets to perfection, but it certainly didn't wash dishes. So since it breathed it's last sputtering breath a couple months ago, it has been sitting forlorn and neglected. Not even Frank was willing to fix it. I wonder if there is a booming market for antique dishwashers?

So I have been washing dishes the old fashioned way. Some days were good. I would psych myself up and go at it with gusto, putting a good CD in to lessen the pain and suffering. Some days were bad. I would shun the crusty crocks altogether and dive into my stash of paper goods if things got desperate.

But there is hope, my friends. There is hope!! I have been saved from Palm Olive peril. My loving husband, recognizing my dire circumstances, found a "sweet deal" on a dishwasher and gave it to me on Christmas Eve. His co-workers warned him that buying a dishwasher for your wife for Christmas could have epic and disastrous consequences akin to being the captain of the Titanic...but Frank assured them that he knew me well and that it was a gift I would like.

He was right. While a dishwasher is not exactly the epitome of romance, it is something I secretly was wishing for. But I didn't ask. It was just too big. However, I am not ashamed to say that when it was revealed, I clapped my hands like a little kid on Christmas morning and I gave the dishwasher a small hug.

You're going DOWN putrid pans. And the filthy flatware is going with you. Mu ha ha!!

13 comments:

Annie K said...

Were you outside with a picket sign that read 'Down with Dawn!'???

Pam said...

Oh my goodness, I too have the Hated Dish Duty but no dishwasher in sight.... alas, sometimes I can feel them staring a hole into my back as I try to ignore them.... even now I can hear their mocking silence from 2 rooms away. Wretched dirty dishes.

Congrats on the dishwasher though, occasionally my loving sons will do the dishes for me while I'm at work 'cause they know it is an automatic plethora of brownie points!

WV: jelatoni- as in: This jelatoni does not want to come off this plate no matter how hard I scrub!

Hope you have very Happy New Year!

Mare said...

Honestly NOT joking. When I read I actually thought to myself, "oh, I forgot about dishwashers. Those are nice."

This place is getting to me. Actually I haven't had one in five years. The college dorm sure didn't have one and then my roommate was remodeling the house we were living in and for the two years I lived there we just never got around to getting the dishwasher "hooked up." It was brand new. Sad. I know.

I'm excited for you!!!!! "and gave it a small hug." <--- favorite line. It deserved the hug.

Sherri said...

I also am not a fan of dishes and I HAVE NO DISHWASHER!

I AM THE DISHWASHER!

I usually use this time to call a friend!

Glad you got the secretly desired gift! (So much better than jewelry)

Helen said...

Beth, I know how you feel. I was married for almost 10 years without a dishwasher. Just me. Then we bought a house with a dishwasher. I didn't know how to use it. I didn't use if for more than a year. Then, one day when a friend from college was over for lunch, she wanted to be helpful and offered to load the dishwasher. I got all panicky and explained that I didn't know how. My friend taught me how to use my dishwasher. Since then I have written love poems to my dishwasher that I email to her, on Thanksgiving I leave a message on her machine saying "I am thankful for friends who spread the good news about dishwashers to other friends" and when I email her, I always tell her how the dishwasher is before I mention myself, mom or Bob.
Did I mention that I love my dishwasher. I should hug mine, too. Besides washing dirty dishes, it also hides them until it is ready for a full load. Isn't that helpful?

Helen said...

Beth, I forgot to mention that I am happy for you. :-)

Steph at The Red Clay Diaries said...

Hurray for dishwashers! Mine is approaching its 12th year of life and has made some odd noises lately. Do not go softly into that good night, dear washer of dishes!

Hmmm... Helen, you may be on to something. Scuse me. I need to go write an ode.

And Beth, I'm happy for you!

WV: teshi
drunkese for "touchy"
"Okay, so I waszh the one who puked on yer couchsh. Ya don't hafta be so teshi about it!"

katdish said...

If I didn't have a dishwasher, I'm pretty sure this is how I'd do the dishes.

My mom said we used to have 2 dishwashers, but I don't remember. One dirty, one clean. You could basically just move dishes from one to the other. How cool would that be?

I'm happy that you got something you really wanted.

Mare - thanks for reminding me just how much I take for granted! I gotta go hug my dishwasher now! Happy New Year, ya'll!

Max02 said...

I hate washing dishes. It's isn't exactly the bane of my existence, but it comes pretty close. I'm tankful for a wife who will wash the dishes, and just as hopeful for a dishwasher.

WV: outomme

What birthing women are known to scream at the top of their lungs during childbirth: "Get him/her outomme!!!"

Matt @ The Church of No People said...

I'll tell you what the bane of my existence is - folding laundry. Doesn't matter that all I have to do is pick up my dirty clothes, put them in two automated machines that do all the work for me, when it comes time to put my clothes away, they inevitably pile up in a 'clean' pile next to the 'dirty' pile.

Stacey said...

I feel your pain, Beth. I've been living without my dishwasher since MAY! And not only did it break, but it peed water all through the house while we were away one weekend. It's the very reason I'm in the middle of a huge and expensive kitchen remodel during the holidays!

The silver lining is that I'll have a brand new kitchen in a few short weeks. I'll be poor, by golly, but at least I won't be washing dishes by hand anymore!

Stacey said...

Oops, I forgot to tell you that last year Hucklebuck got me a new vacuum cleaner for Christmas. I loved it, but he promised that this year my present wouldn't "suck."
:)

Sherri said...

WERE ARE YOU BETH! I MISS YOU!